No Direction

I don’t really have the most diverse interests and I guess this is partly due to my autism and also partly due to me being isolated most of the time (I mean sometimes there’s just no joy in things when others aren’t involved) but I do like technology (esp gaming) history and er… politics.. I also like learning all sorts of random stuff and I can absorb all sorts of useless info and retain it, which is another aspie trait.

Being autistic and gay is also a bit of a sod since if you don’t conform to the gay ideal your rejected, being autistic leads to me being rejected or used more than most (which in turn leads to a cycle of depression, I’ve had so many false dawns) but I guess most have faced rejection at least once.

Beyond my so called ‘negatives’ I am an ok person, or I at least like to think I am.

Aspergers also makes me seem a bit introverted and I can find it hard to become interested in what those around me are interested in… in a way I’m kind of in my own little world. I can also seem a bit cold and maybe a tad unresponsive too at times but I assure you I’m faaar from cold, aspies just have trouble expressing their emotions and stuff that’s all. I’m also not terribly confident which further complicates things.

This makes it preeeety hard for me to engage in the world I’m surrounded by since I’m perceived as being ‘odd’ For instance I don’t do small talk all that well, which can make me appear awkward not all there or just plain ignorant. So until I get to know people rather well I can find it hard to build up a rapport and bond with them. But again since I’m not good at the small talk bit it’s a rare thing when I do get to know someone well since most people just don’t stick with me!! Grr

I'm looking for people who can stick with me until they realise my positives rather than getting bogged down by the one ‘negative’.. in other words in looking for friends… I have a handful of people about who I call friends but they’re straight so I guess its time to make some gay friends (somehow).

I need people who will be truly tolerant of the fact that I am different and will try and understand my akward sometimes clumsy behaviour... not tire of it.

Please?